Not Yet

Professor Carol Dweck, in one of her TED Talks, describes a school in Chicago that has opted to use ‘Not Yet’ in its grading system. ‘Not Yet’ replaces the traditional big, red F on students papers and exams. This unconventional method, as Dweck puts it, encourages students to view learning as a fluid process. It allows students to focus on learning by acknowledging the effort put into the work they have done.

How often do we acknowledge effort? Not just the effort others put in but more importantly the effort we’re putting in.

Imposter! My brain tends to call me that a lot. On more than one occasion, I have felt like I am faking my way through life. This not only makes me feel like a failure but it also makes me question whether my achievements are actually valid. That tiny voice in my head has a tendency of ensuring I don’t acknowledge my achievements at all. Did I really deserve that award or did the panel make a mistake? Did I do well in that unit or was the grade I got a fluke?

I have seen something similar in my students. There are a handful who view the work they’ve done as being ‘not good enough’. A ‘not yet’ if I may say. I believe much of this is attributed to the fact that their efforts are not being acknowledged. Professor Dweck highlights the importance of being careful of how we praise children. Her perspective (Process Praise) places emphasis on praising effort, strategy, focus, perseverance and improvement rather than praising intelligence and talent. That is, instead of saying “Goodness Timmy you’re so smart!”, you could (or perhaps should) say, “Wow Timmy! You’ve broken-down the question so well!”.

To a large extent, I feel that parents especially fail to give credit where it is due. Some children grow up thinking that whatever they do is not enough because they are simply told that. This, not only emotionally damages a child but it also contributes to their low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. There are also educators who do the same by using harsh words with students. Instead of putting further pressure on students we should lean towards saying ‘not yet’ but at the same time assist them in getting to that point.

“If you get the grade ‘Not Yet,’ you understand you’re on a learning curve.”

Professor Carol Dweck

The phrase ‘not yet’ can also be used as a form of encouragement outside the school system particularly in a personal setting. Being someone who is constantly overwhelmed by the thoughts of being an imposter and that of being a failure, I feel ‘not yet’ helps me realign my thoughts. Sometimes taking a step back from the situation on hand and acknowledging all the work I’ve put in is far better than stewing in my thoughts and getting even more anxious.

Does this always help? Definitely not! But what really is the harm in praising yourself for the things you do? Nothing at all.

Just recently I had to make a difficult decision. I know I’m not quite where I want to be. And yes, I am worried that I will fall behind in my plans but I also know that I need to take time to learn more before I begin the next journey. Sure, on some days the tiny imposter voice will be louder than other days BUT those are the days I will remind myself that ‘not yet’ doesn’t mean no progress. ‘Not yet’ just means I need to change strategies and persevere.

I deserve a pat on my back for all I do, and so do you. So, in short, acknowledge your efforts. Make sure you praise yourself for all your hard work!

In case you’re interested in the TED Talk I’ve referred to, please click on the link below. Let me know your thoughts if you do have a listen.

Social Media and Mental Health

Social media has become an integral part of everyday life. The first thing we do when we wake up is check our phones for messages. Our day begins with our phones and possibly ends with it which is why the content we watch and peruse should benefit us in some way. Don’t get me wrong, I too watch mindless humor sometimes and keep up-to-date with gossip but I also like to watch and read some feel-good content. That being said, it’s quite difficult to “stumble” upon wholesome content.

About a year ago, odds were defied and I happened to chance upon an extremely wholesome creator, Taz Alam. Her page, ClickForTaz is an accumulation of her doing random challenges, trying new things, and showing what her day-to-day life is like. From meeting her friends to watching her travel to different countries trying to stick to a budget, her page has it all. However, that’s not the reason why I like her so much.

A screengrab of her YouTube channel

It’s incredibly rare to have an influencer speak openly about their struggles with mental health. At the beginning of this year, when I was going through a crisis of sorts, her speaking of her struggles were a welcome reassurance that there is an opportunity for things to start looking up. It is so common for influencers in general to shed fake tears and make up stories about mental health. However with Taz, her struggles seem genuine.

Now social media can take a toll on people. Constantly seeing dolled up people, living perfect lives can be quite a lot. Often the idea of perfection is pushed down people’s throats but what is deemed perfect is also problematic. It does not help the situation when petite, fair-skinned people are put at the top of the hierarchy whereas other body shapes are judged and people of color are discriminated against. Sculpted people are also idolized. The need for so-called perfection is damaging people’s, especially children’s views of themselves.

ClickForTaz is a channel that tries to dispel the ideology surrounding bodies and perfection. It is refreshing to see someone be messy, create awareness about mental health and talk about the worries that they have. ClickForTaz provides a relatable platform for teens and adults alike. She even writes and reads poetry. You can watch her latest work with UNICEF here.

All in all, where social media and influencers have gained a negative reputation, it is overwhelmingly refreshing to happen upon a channel that teaches acceptance; where people know they are flawed and work towards becoming better. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine not and that’s absolutely acceptable.

Please enjoy her TED talk here.

Who’s your comfort content creator?

Anxiety

With the current pandemic wrecking havoc in our backyards, the walls of my house seem to be growing smaller by the day. At the beginning of last year when the first wave of the coronavirus swept through Fiji, I remember feeling extremely anxious. The near future seemed uncertain and uncertainty is something that makes me nauseous!

A few weeks ago, my class worked on a journal on this very topic. I’ll leave the prompt below for anyone who is curious. I feel it only apt I answer these questions just like my students did.

In general, I feel like I am more anxious than the average person. I am easily spooked which then causes me to withdraw. I am also the least confident person I know. My brain works overtime most days stressing about the littlest (code for the weirdest) things. For example, when we had our workout sessions early in the morning, I could not, for the life of me, fall asleep. Why? Because I had to wake up early. My brain refused to fall asleep which then led to me working long nights or reading. I must have looked like a panda for a good part of this year.

The world is extremely fast paced. Everyone seems to be whizzing through their sorted lives, enjoying every aspect of it. By far the greatest pressure I feel on a daily basis is one to be successful. Is this external or internal pressure, you ask? It really is a bit of both. It causes me great anxiety to see my friends, colleagues and other people my age having found the path they wish to take. I question my decisions everyday. Did I make the right choice putting my studies on hold? Have I eaten the right things today? Was I too harsh on my students? Am I doing enough in this race we call life?

Questions, questions and more questions. Questions I do not have the answer to. Not yet, at least.

I often sit and think of ways I can avoid this senseless worrying. Technically worrying about avoiding worry. Something that has helped me in the past is music. When the going gets extremely rough, I pop my earbuds in and turn up the music loud to drown out my thoughts. I (horribly) sing gospel songs to calm myself down.

Breathing exercises have also been a great help. I follow the 7, 5, 7 method. Breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 5 seconds and breath out for 7 seconds. I read about this method on Reddit and it has stuck with me since. Concentrating on my breathing has averted many anxiety attacks.

However, the method that is most effective is sitting with friends and family. It’s something about certain people’s presence that calms me down immediately. Just their presence alone is enough to dispell my darkest thoughts. I am amazed by this every time.

Life is a race. Everyone is competing to get to the finish line faster than the next person. It’s difficult and anxiety inducing but it is an absolutely beautiful experience with the right people.

I’ve learned that I can not control every aspect of life. I can not control what people thing about me or where I stand in society. I can not control my need for control either. Do I always view situations like this? The naked truth? No, I don’t. But I try to each day.

How do you manage the worries of tomorrow?

What Is There In a Name?

Fijiana winning Bronze in the Olympics is absolutely HUGE!! Yayyyy Fijiana! However the ordeal of the semis really had me in a loop. Is it right to say that the referee was racist? Sure, a number of calls weren’t made for Fijiana but does that really constitute racism?

Discrimination. Such a burdensome word. Why does the colour of my skin, or the name I go by, or my sexuality, or where I am from or the clothes I wear give you the power to treat me differently? It baffles me that we live in a day and age where discrimination is still a major problem. Not only does this perpetuate a toxic mentality but it also limits our progress as humans. It is foolish to judge a person on those traits. (I mean I too do judge people but for stuff like drinking detergent. 😫 Just, WHY?) But these traits have increasingly become centers for prejudices to grow. That is very worrying.

I’ve been treated differently because of my name. For some context, I have an extremely Muslim name. My dad is Muslim and up until the age of 9 I practiced (used very loosely 😅) Islam. I don’t anymore for various reasons that I will not get into. It would anger me so much every time a person treated me differently after finding out my religion. They would do an absolute 180! The name I carry worried me so much that I decided I would legally change it last year. The pandemic prevented that and overtime the idea just seemed silly. Why would I change my name so people would treat me better? Just seemed like a dumb thing to do if you ask me. Present me still struggles but she’s in a much better place about her name.

Shakespeare with a twist

Just like my name, Fijiana did not mean much in Fiji. The women’s team is underdeveloped partially because there aren’t many women interested in it and mostly because well, women. Up until the recent Olympics, no one really cared about the team. They ranked 8th in the Rio Olympics. Why would people cheer for a team that ranked 8th, right? Boy did that team prove so many wrong. Coming back to the point, had they lost this tournament as well, the Fijiana team would be forgotten. Their names would be forgotten and the hard work they’d put in would have been ignored. However, the moment this team beat the defending champions, they became a sensation. People wanted to learn more about them. They wanted to watch the matches. Their name meant something.

Charles Babbage was really on to something with that quote. Your achievements add value to your name. The moment your name (and face) achieve something, your value increases. The Fijiana team is experiencing just that. I’ve experienced that too but the discriminatory comments do creep in. Eventually, you get told ‘oh you don’t look like you’ve won a medal’ or ‘I would have never guessed that about you’. Am I humble or do I just not look like someone who can achieve great things? 😕🙃 In reality, it’s usually just the prejudices people have coming out. All in all, your achievements really do show the ‘true colors’ of people. But without your achievements your name has no value.

It’s sad but it’s also the bitter truth.

The Joys (?) of Teaching

Nothing could have prepared me for the curveballs 2021 has thrown at me. I started my first teaching job, COVID has me cooped up in the house and face-to-face teaching has transitioned to online. It’s been an absolute rollercoaster of a year (so far).

Online school has been interesting. Some days are exhausting. So exhausting that all I see is darkness from when I hit the pillow to when I gain consciousness again. Yet, the joys of it all outweighs those exhausting days. I have so much to learn from my colleagues, and students. The other day I got to share my Sutori page with my colleagues and they provided important, positive criticism. They picked out things I hadn’t thought to do. A different view was not only refreshing but also very much needed.

I also have an abundance to learn from my students. I enjoy my sessions with them. Some days we spend our sessions talking about anime, movies and random things. It’s fascinating how their minds are able to relate concepts to every day things. The conversations we have can take sudden, sharp turns but there is always something constructive to take from them.

My favorite aspect of my days is random dancing. At least one person will breakout into a dance in the middle of lessons. We call them jam sessions for the lack of a better word. It is a joy to watch.

My students are brilliant. I am glad I get to experience my first year of teaching with them. I look forward to more random dancing, intriguing conversations and sessions full of laughter in the days to come.